she woke up with a sticky ear
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
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