she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
