He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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