Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
