i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
