when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
