My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
