the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Randomize
