You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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