i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
