friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
