I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize