that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
