its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
