I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize