capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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