I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
