I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
