I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
