I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize
