This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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