when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
And then my night got REAL pukey
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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