If that was your dad, he is hot
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
