everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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