that's an acceptable place to lick
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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