I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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