Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
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