Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
