We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
