Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
