So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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