Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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