this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
