I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
