This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
