Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize