I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
