I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
