Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
