She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
