yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
