Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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