u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
