If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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