When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
