Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I want to be your penis for a week.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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