No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Randomize