I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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