thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
