She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
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