so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
