I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
