i think my tv is drunk
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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