Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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