Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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