god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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