I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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