The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
