You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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