Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
