i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
