You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
