we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
