its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
