ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
