I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
