Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
