Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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