I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
