Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize