How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
