my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
