Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
