The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
