i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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