nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
