Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
