I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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