She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
