I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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