I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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