it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize