I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
The ass gains better be worth it
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
