sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
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