What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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