Im at strip club and am horny
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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