So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize