it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
