"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
