well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
