Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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