He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
