dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize