Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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