Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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