I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
