I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
