I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Who died my cat blue again?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
