Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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