im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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