She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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