your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
