My boss' voice literally gives me gas
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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